Here we go again with another installment in our series on Personal Power. Self-esteem is our topic this week.
“Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.”
-Michel de Montaigne
The “esteem” in self-esteem is a verb (something you do – an action) meaning to “respect or admire.” Personal Power and Self-Esteem meet at the crossroad of personal respect and admiration. One cannot talk of self-esteem without first thinking of self-love. It is plain and simple really – if you do not love yourself – all that you are and were created to be – you are explicitly, without question, losing the game of self-esteem.
Give yourself to yourself. Do this first and then worry about lending yourself to others.
Ram Dass, the American spiritual teacher pulls no punches:
“Your problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.”
-Ram Dass
I believe it is because we have been sold a bag of goods that equates self-love with arrogance, pride and boastfulness. We are taught to love others at all expense. The problem is that “at all expense” becomes “at our expense”. At the expense of my good, I must love you. At the expense of my self-worth, I must center my attention on you. At the expense of my very well-being, I will love you.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is a bag of goods. Better yet, it is a lie that has so taken up residence in our lives that we render it as gospel truth.
When hold onto some false sense of unworthiness, we do the world and ourselves a great disservice.
“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.”
-Roderick Thorp
The myth of unworthiness confuses us. We begin to act and talk in ways that lower our standards and bring us down.
Like this:
I can’t do that.
I’m not smart enough.
I can only wish to….
I’m too shy, timid, weak, short, fat, ugly, poor, tired etc., etc., etc.
Soon, before we even know it, we become our own worst enemies. We perpetuate the myth, and our self-esteem takes another shot to the gut.
We let other people and their opinions define us. We start overestimating the power of others while underestimating our own. We allow these toxic people to influence our thoughts, actions and lives. Somehow, without explanation, we value them more than ourselves.
And when we do – we lose.
That’s it – enough! It is time to stop this nonsense.
As Les Brown says: “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”
The minute you stop caring about what others say, think or do, their power vanishes – giving you the power to find your own.
Emerson reminds us that:
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
My friends, the way you treat yourself is the jumping off point when working to enhance your personal power. You have the power within you to realize all your hopes and dreams, but in order to do so, your self-esteem, that measure of your respect and admiration you have for yourself, must be your first priority.
One is dependent upon the other.
One of the key factors to low self-esteem is what Zig Ziglar called “stinkin’ thinkin'”.
We must challenge our thinking and beliefs if we are to enhance, grow and sustain our self-esteem.
1. All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, “If I don’t succeed in this task, I’m a total failure.”
2. Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don’t count. For example, “I only did well on that test because it was so easy.” Or, “I know my husband loves me, but he only does because we have kids.”
3. Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, “My friend hasn’t replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry.”
4. Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, “I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure.” This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Our emotions do not always support the facts of the matter.
Our thinking has such a great hold on how we perceive ourself. When we stop the “stinkin’ thinkin'” and adjust our attitude and belief, we have taken a potent and persuasive step down the road of personal power and positive, growing self-esteem.
As always, I’m rooting for you!
Thoughts, insights, reactions and comments – I’d love to hear them!
P.S. What are you reading right now? The Personal Power Store is now open. Arm yourself with the goods to live an UP (Undeniably Powerful) life! Check out the Store by clicking here.
