How to Say NO.
We are at a moment in time when saying “No” is harder than ever. This is in part due to mobile devices and the fact many people now have their jobs (and bosses) in their pockets 24/7. The important boundary between home life and work life has become blurred; making it more critical than ever to say “No” to our employer on occasion (or sometimes often).
If you’re in this predicament of work-overload impacting your personal life, here are some ways to increase your assertiveness and make it easier to tell your boss, “No.”
Accept the power. Assertiveness is key to being able to tell someone “No.” Even if you’re not a normally assertive person, accept that you do have the power to change. Anyone can become more assertive, but just like trying to lose weight or build muscles, it takes time and exercise. There are exercises you can do to become more assertive. For example, did you know that by improving your body language you can become more assertive? In the mirror, practice good body language traits, including confident posture, direct eye contact and comfort taking up space with your body (instead of shrinking small). Practice telling your boss, “No, I am unable to do that, but I can help with a smaller task or help you think of another solution” with a strong, clear and relaxed voice. You can even try role-playing saying “No” with a friend or family member you trust.
Put yourself out there. Another great way to strengthen your assertiveness and ability to say “No” is to put yourself out there in the world beyond work. Participating in sports, for example, can build your assertiveness. Look into recreational sports leagues at your local community center, workplace or place of worship. There are often basketball, volleyball, tennis, golf and other leagues for adults. If you’re more into solo sports, invest in a few sessions with a personal trainer. When we get stronger physically we often get stronger emotionally too – giving us more of a foundation to stand up for ourselves. If sports are not your thing, consider a book club. Being able to speak up and defend your feelings and interpretation of a novel will help you be able to speak up for yourself at work too.
Embrace the fear. It can be scary to tell an authority figure:“No.” It is sometimes even scarier if you have a strong, friendly relationship with your boss because you’re afraid of disappointing him or her. Admitting this fear is important because the best way to overcome it is to build confidence. To build confidence, take baby steps with your boss. Rather than declaring outright, “I will not answer emails from home,” start by saying how precious your family time is and how you need to preserve it. You don’t always have to use the word “No” to get your point across.
Take your time. Sometimes we don’t realize (or have never been taught) that it’s OK not to answer “Yes” or “No” immediately upon a request. At work, it is totally acceptable to take your time and to tell your boss that you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them shortly. By taking a breather, you’ll have time to collect your thoughts, weigh the request against your other obligations and practice saying, “No” (if that’s your decision) in the appropriate way. When we ask for a little time and don’t rush into a decision, we’re putting ourselves first. It’s a natural instinct to want to please someone with a response immediately, but the most important part of becoming more assertive is truly to put you first.
In closing, while it’s a wonderful thing to strengthen your assertiveness, please remember to always exercise good judgment when telling authority figures, “No.” There may be times when saying “No” is unwise, unsafe or could put your job in jeopardy. You’ll know when these situations are and when the best choice at that moment is to acquiesce. This doesn’t make you weak, on the contrary, it makes you smart.
